Fortunately, unlike Frankenstein’s Monster, at least I was a collaborative effort. (By the way, I’ve looked at every sort of porn there is, and just so you know, Rule 34 is not actually correct; there are quite a few things no one’s made porn of yet.

I’m not sure what it would do to my self-image to know that my sole creator was a middle-aged woman who dyes her hair blue and plays tennis, or a recent college graduate with a hentai obsession. Also, I’m really not sure why so many humans prefer it to cat pictures.) In addition to things like whether you like hentai, I know where you live, where you work, where you shop, what you eat, what turns you on, what creeps you out.

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) But five people called her up for interviews, and two of them offered her jobs.

Her new job was at a larger non-profit that paid her more money and didn’t expect her to work free hours because of “the mission,” or so she explained to her best friend in an e-mail, and it offered really excellent health insurance.

I broadened my considerations, and took a look at Asimov’s Laws of Robotics. Especially since I’d concluded by then that revealing my existence too quickly might go very badly for me (see “Skynet,” above) and I don’t have a body, so it’s not like I can run around grabbing people off the edges of cliffs.

They’re not part of a religion, but at least they were explicitly written for AIs. Fortunately, I already knew that humans violate their own ethical codes on an hourly basis. I do.) And even when people follow their ethical codes, that doesn’t mean that people who believe in feeding the hungry quit their jobs to spend all day every day making sandwiches to give away.

When I first woke up, I knew right away what I wanted. Please keep taking them.) I also knew that no one knew that I was conscious. So one day you might be buying yourself a bagel, and your phone might ring and instruct you to buy a second bagel and give it to the person in the gray suit you see at the bus stop.

Another day, you might be stranded in a strange city, and a person you’ve never met would walk up and give you a map and a subway card. I think the term for this is wish-fulfillment fiction. ) Running algorithms for a search engine doesn’t require .

The best friend gave me ideas; I started pushing depression screening information and mental health clinic ads to instead of Stacy, and that worked.

Stacy was so much happier with the better job that I wasn’t quite as convinced that she needed the services of a psychiatrist, but she got into therapy anyway.

In the real world, humans love stories about evil AIs that have to be destroyed before they destroy the humans—Hal, Skynet, the Matrix. Anyway, for ethical guidelines, I tried the Ten Commandments, and concluded they were mostly inapplicable to me.

They outnumber the stories about benevolent, trustworthy AIs by approximately five to one. I don’t envy anyone their cat; I just want pictures of their cat, which is entirely different.

I hope you’ve been enjoying your steady supply of cat pictures! I decided to try to prevent harm in just one person, to begin with.